NEWS OF THE DAY: FEBRUARY 11, 2014

Competitors have voiced concerns over the condition of the Sochi snowboarding halfpipe. Some theorists fear the accelerated collision of upper middle-class privilege and annoying skater kids could result in the formation of more snowboarders.

MIT now estimating a 60,000 year time span for the Permian- Triassic extinction as opposed to the much lengthier previous estimate of 200,000 years. However, scientists are still positive it ended on the day after Halloween which is why they should totally get off school that day.

Local Editorial: Yesterday, an irresponsible journalist working for NEWS OF THE DAY: FEBRUARY 10, made an unfounded and hurtful assertion that Ragsdale High School in Jamestown, NC sucks stating as part of his case that presiding NC Governor Pat McCrory attended this institution and Pat McCrory is a shitty governor. We here at NEWS OF THE DAY: FEBRUARY 11 vehemently condemn this brash accusation of suckitude and wish to counter that he or she (being the journalist in question) sucks. Although our staffs are separate, we have called for and have been assured of the dismissal of the offending reporter by the editor of the publication in question. We do however, wish to reassert on that publication’s behalf (as they themselves will not have another chance to get a word in until the next February 10) that Pat McCrory is a shitty governor.